sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
