Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
This toilet bowl is my home.
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