Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
