I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
