tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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