Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
