I want to make a zoo with you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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