how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
