I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
