Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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