legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's never too late to be topless.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
