I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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