when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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