pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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