And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
