I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
