At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
