wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
