Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
