you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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