Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
