One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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