im holly from the hills drunk
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
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...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
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but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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