i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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