I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
