they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
