I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
