Swine flu. Run for my life!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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