Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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