Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
