u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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