he thought i was a dude.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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