I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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