Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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