Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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