grandma shit on top of the toilet
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
