dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
