Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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