the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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