The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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