Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
