I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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