sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
