God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
