is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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