Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
