I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm like, not good at living.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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