doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
