ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
