proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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