I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
