I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
