my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Houston, we have a blender
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
