I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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