What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
