i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
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just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
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Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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