i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
