He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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