omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
