This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
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I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
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Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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