O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
